Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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