I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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