i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well you can't waste a boner
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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