I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
