How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
