Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
