did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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