tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This house was built for laser tag.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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