There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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