If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
