At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
