What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
