My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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