A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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