Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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