Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
