I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
