shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
this will be a night to untag.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
