Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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