haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
