dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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