you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
