the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
