Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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