I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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