how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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