my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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