Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
