I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
