You just made me feel so damn special
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
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If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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