Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
