I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
