New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
