3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
