sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
