So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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