THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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