You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
