we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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