i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
