I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The air was thick with penises
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
