i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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