my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
