don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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