Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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