my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
