Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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