My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
