you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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