So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
