There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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