Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
