Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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