I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
