Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How external is "for external use only"?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
