So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I made him laugh his dick is mine
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
