ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
this is an emotional support booty call
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
