Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
