Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
