I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
