you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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