I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As shirtless as possible
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
