Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize