I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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