I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
