I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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