that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
