marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
