I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
