just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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