this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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