WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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