Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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