Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
