gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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