YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
