Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
